Black boy confusion, assimilation, and discovery: an urban leader’s experience with grief and trauma colored by anti-blackness

The purpose of this critical autoethnographic research was to explore, as a Black male, my personal experiences with trauma and loss that may lead to identifying and reflecting on indicators of the phenomena among Black students. Trauma and loss in this confessional tale is defined as the death, divorce, or incarceration of a parent, compounded by race in America. This form of autoethnography writing integrates my autobiographical memories to make meaning of personal grief and loss within the culture of a variety of schools both elementary and secondary across the Kansas City metropolitan area. The criticality of my study is emphasized with Critical Race Theory, which challenges the relationship among race, racism, and power through the lens of BlackCrit, a theory that highlights and resists the marginalization of Black people in international human rights and laws. BlackCrit raises the dilemma of the “social recognition of the humanness of others [that] systematically excludes this possibility for the Black” and raises issues regarding anti-Black attitudes that Black children confront in schools that ultimately influence their social integration and academic progress. Using three forms of data over five years consisting of multiple narratives, journaling, and poetry followed by a self-reflective interview performed by a critical friend, I came to embrace my own vulnerability. I uncovered hidden hurt and pain that I have held on to for years and confronted my assimilated self as a guard against anti-blackness in the workplace and community. There is no greater discovery than discovering oneself, and through this confessional tale, with the help of incredible relationships, I have done just that. My hope is my discovery of self and the Black man I have come to understand may provide a blueprint for students to confront the trauma of grief and loss.

Name thesis:degree_name

Ed.D. (Doctor of Education)

Level thesis:degree_level

Doctoral

Discipline thesis:degree_discipline

Education (UMKC)

Grantor

University of Missouri--Kansas City

Year dc:date.issued

2025

Author dc:creator

• Milner, Robert N.

Advisor dc:contributor.advisor

• Caruthers, Loyce Ellenor, 1947-

Handle dc:identifier.uri

https://hdl.handle.net/10355/109141

OAI identifier oai:identifier

oai:mospace.umsystem.edu:10355/109141