“I’ve Been Murdered”: An Autoethnographic Narrative of the School-to-Death Nexus

<p>This autoethnography explores my lived experience as a neurodivergent, low-income, queer, trans, nonbinary, and Black student. Guided by afro-pessimism, I critically examine 151 personal journal entries between 2011 and 2022 that illuminate the role of schooling in my mortality as a Black student. My writing examines the trauma caused by oppressive education systems that limit student identity due to hegemonic cultural expectations. In synthesizing these entries, I coined a phenomenon and process: the “school-to-death nexus.” This concept encapsulates the intricate ideologies and manifestations of anti-Black violence within schools, portraying them as facilitators of, and gateways to, both physical and social death for Black students. My analysis draws from my personal experiences, emotions, and responses to delineate the factors contributing to the anti-Black realities of students. Within the framework of necropolitical, carceral, and capitalistic power dynamics, this research explores the operation of the school-to-death nexus in: (1) racializing Black students through adultification, criminalization, and dehumanization; (2) asserting dominance and control over Black students via deculturalization, assimilation, and exploitation; and (3) engaging in pervasive surveillance and punishment. My data reveals the school-to-death nexus as both spirit-murdering and physically weathering, potentially leading to social death via regulation and normalization. Fundamentally, this research illuminates the pathway towards what I refer to as "life-giving schools"—educational ecosystems where liberation, love, and an authentic passion for learning intermingle to create environments in which all students can thrive. "Freedom dreaming" becomes the heart of this vision, representing a radical reimagining of traditional schooling. Here, students are inspired and empowered to envisage a future unshackled by the constraints of present structural inequality and oppression. The aspiration for social change in this context is a dynamic process—catalyzed by inquiry and driven by action—that is punctuated by moments of critical reflection. It urges the complete transformation of educational practices and systems, to dismantle anti-Black ideologies and supplant them with structures that resonate with affirmation, value, and nourishment for Black identities. This journey towards change is not a solitary pursuit. Instead, it requires radical reimagination, community-wide engagement in co-learning, collective action, and communal healing. By weaving these elements together, we can offset the escalated predisposition of Black students towards death and collaboratively architect learning environments that truly embody the ethos: Black Lives Matter.</p>

Name thesis:degree_name

Education, PhD

Level thesis:degree_level

Restricted to Claremont Colleges Dissertation

Discipline thesis:degree_discipline

School of Educational Studies

Year dc:date.available

2023

Author dc:creator

• elita, layá

Contributors dc:contributor

• Dionne Bensonsmith
• Linda Perkins
• Torie Weiston-Serdan

• Anti-Blackness
• Black Students
• Life Giving Schools
• School to Death Nexus
• Schooling
• Social Death
• African American Studies
• Education
• Ethnic Studies

Repository record dc:identifier

https://scholarship.claremont.edu/cgu_etd/875

OAI identifier oai:identifier

oai:scholarship.claremont.edu:cgu_etd-1897